Ends and Beginnings or Vice Versa

Hello.

It's Friday. It's the last day of the week. It's the last day of the school year. This day always fills me with jumbled feelings inside. The day or perhaps more accurately, this time of the year, feels like an ending as well as a beginning to me.

When I think of it being the end of things, I experience feelings about whether I accomplished all that I had hoped to by this point in the year. I feel anxious that I didn't work with the diligence or determination in all the areas I'd hoped to. I then feel sad that I let myself down. In relation to my children and their endings, I examine whether I was present enough in their lives to help them achieve their goals. The whole "ending thing" becomes a mind game. Then I feel depressed.

When I think of it being new beginnings, I experience feelings of hope and gratitude. I look at the future days as new chances to affect a change both in my self and my goals and others. I look at my children and strategize how I can be supportive and encouraging to them as they face their future. I also feel grateful about what has been done in my life on the positive realm. I work hard to tease apart the specifics of my life and consciously acknowledge my gratitude for them.

How can one day or one time of the year bring about such intense feelings that run the entire gamut between depression and hope? I grapple with ideas such as these often.

What I am learning is that:

I am a human being and being such portends me to the very real emotions of the earth-the whole from dust to dust thing. The sadness or anxiousness or depression feelings are about as down in the dirt as one can feel.

I am a spiritual being and being such portends me to the inspirational emotions of the heavens-the whole God in me and me in God thing. The hopefulness or loving or gratefulness feelings lift me up to a whole new energetic level.

I am in constant change. This morning when I talked with my neighbor Sharon, she asked me how I was feeling about my son's graduation ceremony last night and said to her, "Well, everyone here keeps moving. I can't just stand here. I gotta keep moving too." I didn't say it to be profound but after I said it I realized it was a profound statement. Our lives are in a constant flux. If we don't move along we die. If we move forward we grow and learn. If we try to stop or move backwards we have pain and disappointment.

I am allowed "do overs". Every morning is my opportunity to begin afresh. It is like getting a gift of energy from God each day.

I am allowed mistakes. Every night, I allow myself to acknowledge where I could have done things better. It is like getting a gift of insight from God each day.

I am allowed forgiving. Every day, forgiving myself, helps me to accept "mistakes" and begin my "do overs."

So, where does all this thinking and learning bring me? Do I need an insane asylum? Do I need a good stiff drink? Do I need a long vacation? Does anyone else out there feel this way? Does anyone else come to similar conclusions as I?

I hope so.

Until tomorrow and new beginnings...have hope.
Donna