Where Did November Go?

Hello.

Today is December 7th. It was yesterday, on my last day of classes at college, that I remembered that I have not blogged in a very long time.

It is the end of my semester and time for reflection. In September, when I hurriedly registered and bought books, I began what I thought would be the first of three semesters towards gaining a BA in English. Somewhere around October, I realized that even though I loved the learning and the people, the degree wouldn't give me much in terms of improvement of our overall family situation~income~and I'd have to rethink my plan.

It took me a very long time, and I spoke with oodles of people (thank you editors, publishers, college advisors, professors and yes, my husband). I decided that I would switch tracks and head in a different direction by going for a Masters of Science in Teaching grades 1-6, beginning, hopefully, in January.

But to say that this semester was a waste of time, energy and money would be a huge mistake. I began the semester literally trying to "hide" from my daughter. I didn't want to rain on her parade at college or embarass her. Boy was I so far from understanding the great lady my daughter is. When she found out, and she did, she met me on my next class day, in the pouring rain, with a hug, a card and an "I'm proud of you." From that moment on, I had a friend on campus.

It is so cool going to college with your daughter. I understand her struggles (college-wise) and she understand mine too. Her social concerns are similar to what mine were and not similar because "the times, they are a changin" but mostly it was good to talk, spend time in her dorm room and share meals with her. I am going to miss that so much next semester.

I also met some very intelligent and very cool future "mover and shakers" in the world. Smart, assertive, articulate and curious women are gearing up to lead the "oldies" onto bigger, better and hopefully friendlier times.

There is still a very strong desire to marry and have children, which I do not in and of itself, find unplesant, but in light of total years to do things, I find it disheartening that there is a "rush" to do this next phase of life. My heart's desire is to see each of these beautiful women settle into a life that encompasses exploring their career choice and places to live and "see the world." It is vital that each of us become global in our perception and bring it to the local community. Marriage and children will be there when you are done exploring for a few years. Once you have them, you have them for life.

Anyways, the next 12 months promise to be busy with classes and getting my book out to the public.

Oh, I forgot to mention that...my terrific publisher found the most talented, creative and intuitive illustrator I could ever have hoped for. She read the text and interpreted it better than my minds-eye did. I am truly honored to receive her creativity. I will tell you all about it in future writings. Yes, I will write again soon.

I hope your Thanks-living, I mean Thanksgiving was peaceful and family filled. I hope your upcoming holiday season, be it Christmas, Hannakah or other, will be filled with wonder and happiness.

I will write soon. Until then...
Have Hope,
Donna

PS. Hi Janelle!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hello.

I was having dinner with my daughter this past Wednesday evening and she said, "Mom, you haven't posted a blog in a long time." Suddenly I realized, I haven't posted a blog in a long time. I have been so consumed with reading and writing for college that this blog slipped my mind. I feel so bad.

I am having such a good time learning this semester at college. I am learning so many things that go beyond what is in the text book, although I love the text book stuff. I enjoy my lectures and professors. They are all so interesting and well spoken. They are funny and real people too. The other students in my classes have been very kind to me. I love hearing their chatter about important things in their lives. Engagements and boyfriends, classes and room mates sound so different from twenty-five years away. I realize they are serious thoughts on one hand but on the other hand of time and perspective I observe that some things are truly so insignigicant and others are too-early concerns. These lovely women have so much time and life ahead of them and I wish they could just relax and enjoy the moment. I wish I did back then and I often feel I could right now.

I'm in a dilemma myself wondering if I should continue on with this college stuff next semester. I'm considering a different major or quitting all together. I hate that word "quit." It makes me feel like a loser. I am discovering that pursuing this degree may not benefit me in a manner that will be material in the future and although I am truly happy with the learning, the demands of life, family, bills are showing me I may have to put my energy elsewhere. I am exploring a few options right now and will hopefully have a decision by next month.

Well, I would like to chat longer but I've got a six year old waiting for a good night kiss and a comfy bed calling my name.

Until next time, and I hope it won't be a long time,
Have hope.
Donna

Catch Up

Hello!

It has been so long since I last posted. I feel very badly about that. On my last few posts I told you how I went back to college to get a degree in English. It's been a little over a month now, and I'm still at it. The experience is everything, and more, than I thought it would be. The best part of college this time is that I get to see my daughter twice a week. She's been great. She helps me with so many things like accessing the computer and telling me where things are and most importantly sharing dinner with me on Tuesday's before my night class. She also shares a few of her friends with me, Samantha and Stephanie. They live in the same house with her and I get to visit with them. The really cool thing about getting to know them is that I get their names confused all the time. Neither one of them corrects me. They kind of giggle at it. At least I treat them the same way I treat everyone else in my life, I confuse their names too.

Well, it is mid-term time and I am doing the take home tests. That is perhaps the biggest difference about college this time. I think it's because it is a liberal arts program and not the professional program I did with PT the first time. The classes now, are not as stressful. That doesn't mean they are easier, because there is a ton of reading and writing to do, but they aren't life and death like PT was. PT was biology and chemistry and labs and write ups. Every quiz or test was intense. If I didn't get the grade I was in jeopardy of getting kicked out of the program. With this English degree there is more verbal discourse. There is an exchange of ideas~not right or wrong answers so much just support for a text or meaning of a text.

My professors are all younger than I. They are very kind and helpful. The girls in my class are more accepting of me as time passes. At first I think I was considered the "old lady" who might ruin the curve. Then I think I became the "neurotic old lady who loved to read and discuss." Now I think I'm the "old lady who has four kids, a busy business and a lot of homework." Hopefully, I'll make some new friends.

Other areas of my life are plodding along. My PT work is slow and that worries me. Even though I have a lot of homework, I still need the PT income, so I'm hoping it will pick up. The house work and cares with the family are a juggling act. I try to prioritize face to face time with my family and squeeze in the laundry, grocery list and cooking. My husband has been helping me most. But things are messy and done half-hazardly.

Right now, I'm concentrating on finishing the semester. I'm not sure I'll go beyond this semester because of the costs of college and the demands of family. I have loved it so far. I've got a few more weeks to think about next semester.

Well, it's late and I'm beat. I'll write sooner, I promise. Until then...

Have hope,
Donna

Amazing Kid

Hello.

Sometimes you just gotta brag.

As I have written previously, I returned to college to get a degree in English. I am going to my old Alma Mater which also happens to be my daughter's college.

I made it a plan, to try to go as long as possible at college, without her finding out I was there. I wanted to be very sensitive to her age and her development and not embarrass her by my presence. No one wants their mom on campus with them...or so I thought.

Monday, I got an email from my daughter saying she read my blog and was amazed to learn I had decided to go back to college for a BA in English. She was encouraging in her note to me and I was glad she wasn't mad. I still wasn't sure she was entirely happy with the idea.

Tuesday, I got to campus and had to rush to pick up some things before class when I looked up and saw my daughter walking towards me. She gave me a big hug, handed me a card, and said, "I'm proud of you."

Okay, so she's totally amazing. Needless to say, the heart-strings were pulled and I learned a lesson.

I knew college would be enlightening!

Have hope,
Donna

My Private 9/11

Hello.

September eleventh has been, for the past fifteen years, a day when I silently remember when my son's life and by proxy, my life too, changed forever.

It was just around midnight on September 11, 1992, that I ran to the CT scan room at Albany Medical Center, when I heard the voice over the loudspeaker page name, after name of doctor to get to the CT room where my son lay on that cold table, STAT.

My little guy was six and one-half years old. He was a charmer...very friendly, inquisitive, active and smart. He liked to take things apart and put things back together. He had just learned how to ride his bike without training wheels, was on the T-ball team and was looking forward to first grade. He wasn't a perfect child, but he wasn't a bad kid either.

For six months, I had contacted my doctor, brought Ben in for appointments, asked for special testing at school, inquired again of the doctor's office and finally ended up in an Emergency Room at a local hospital. You see, in my heart, I knew something wasn't right with him. Being a physical therapist (who trained in pediatrics) I observed his gait pattern, listened to his speech and watched his movements. As his mom, I worried about his unexplainable vomiting, occasional headaches and loss of weight. I brought each and every one of my concerns to his physician on numerous occasions and each time, I was turned away with a pleasantry. "You're just an over-concerned mom." "You're just a mom who happens to be a physical therapist too." "There is nothing wrong. Don't worry." But deep inside something was wrong and my credentials didn't move the doctor to investigate further.

So, when seeing my son's eyes cross on that September day, I rushed him to the local ER where I convinced the doctor my son needed a CT scan and had to convince our primary doctor (on the telephone) that a CT scan was necessary too...so much arguing to get a test approved. Finally, the test was ordered and we were sent to the medical center in Albany, NY. A few hours later our brain tumor diagnosis was delivered.

That was my 9/11/1992. That was the day when my whole life (and that of my son) changed. It has been fifteen years and I am still discovering ways my life has (and his) has changed. There were no more birthday parties he was invited to. There were no more soccer mom's on the sideline. There were no more friends to play with on the weekends. There were no more carefree visits with moms on the playground.
There were no drivers permits.
There were no prom dates.
There was no high-school graduation.
There was no drop-off at college.
There are no girlfriends.
There are no fraternity brothers.
There are no dreams of a job and wife and kids and grandkids.

My 9/11/92 gave me other things of which I am grateful. I have met awesome, courageous kids and their families. I have met sensitive, intelligent, diligent and caring doctors and nurses. I have worked with dedicated educators, social workers, vocational trainers and human services people. I have had a chance to experience the highest highs and lowest lows. I have fought a battle of the spiritual and came out on another side with deepest reverence for God.

But mostly what I got from 9/11/1992 was a person, who after facing the most difficult physical, intellectual and spiritual challenges one could face, overcame them to become a happy, kind, hard-working, fun-loving human being.

It's not easy. Everyday is mixed with joy and sadness. But it is what it is, and together my son and I, learn the lessons we are suppose to learn and teach the lessons we are suppose to teach and in the end, we are blessed.

Have hope,
Donna

Fear-Paralyze or Motivate?

Hello.

Oh my. About one month ago, I went to my daughter's college to pay her tuition bill. It is also my alma mater. After paying the bill I asked if there was anyone from the English department available to talk to me. There was, so I went.

The gentleman (younger than I) was very inviting and enthusiastic to talk with me. He knew my daughter and in spite of that (only kidding!!!) he still wanted to talk to me.

Our conversation went something like...
Me: What would I have to do to get a degree in English?
Him: Well, you'd have to take these courses and some gen. ed. classes?
Me: Language? Math?
Him: I'm not sure, probably no language, but maybe a math.
Me: Oh no.
Him: The good news is all of your old credits from your previous degree will be accepted.
Me: So, I won't be starting from scratch.
Him: No.
Me: Do you go easy on over 40 year olds?
Him: (Laugh, laugh.) We like over 40 year olds.
Then he handed me an application, course booklet and English major requirements.

The next day I mailed in my application and figured, I wouldn't get in so quickly because it was three weeks till the semester began.

Well, tomorrow, I go to my second day of college classes heading straight for an English degree.

I am so afraid. I actually have a queasy stomach. I have been trying to assess why I'm afraid. First, I'm afraid my daughter will see me on campus. I am actively hiding from her, because I imagine as a 20 year old, I would NOT want to see my mom walking around her college campus. Second, I'm afraid I won't be able to do all the homework and home work. Third, I'm afraid of the costs. I had to sign some hefty loan papers at a time when things are a bit tight. Fourth, I'm afraid I won't be successful, which to me means actually getting a degree in English. If I flunk out of this, I don't know what I will do in my life. As good a PT that I am, I just do not want to do it forever.

Then I thought a little about my journey thus far. I made it through the rigors of the PT program, the first time I went to college. Then, I walked through my son's cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery. Then I learned the devastating news of his learning disabilities and became educated on TBI and advocated for him. Then, I divorced my first husband and supported my three kids while still being responsible for my son's continuing medical issues. Then I met a new man and built a new and improved relationship. Then I had a fourth child at 40 years of age. And, I continue to survive raising my older kids.

So, I looked at fear.
Am I afraid of school and all that means? YES.
Was I afraid of each of the obstacles I faced on my journey thus far? YES.
What am I going to do about it?

Well, I can stay home tomorrow and not go to class and pursue English or I can put one foot in front of the other, and face the uncertainties. Since, I believe, I've walked through more scary things in the past, I decided that going to class and facing those challenges will eventually inspire me to new and different life experiences. I am choosing motivation over paralysis.

Would you?

Have hope,
Donna

September, where did the time fly?

Hello.

Today is September second. The Labor day weekend is here. The official end of summer. It was such a busy summer indeed. We got home from Cape Cod yesterday and I found myself catching up on mail and laundry and heading out to the grocery store. Today, we brought our oldest daughter back to college.

It is always a mixed bag when bringing her back to college. It's yucky lugging the stuff out to the car and then up the three flights to her room. She always gets rooms on the third floor. After the lugging, we help unload a few things and then head out again. It's sad to say good bye but by the time we get to the parking lot, I'm doing the 'happy dance." I love her and think she's great but let's be honest, it's nice to bring them back. Next year, we'll deliver our other daughter and then it'll be just me and the boys at home.

It was a beautiful, sunny and pleasantly warm day today. We worked outside-mowing and weeding-and when we were done sat down to corn on the cob and tomato salad. Yum!

Soon, it'll be busy and we'll have to submit to the school calendar but for the next forty-eight hours, we're enjoying summer.

Have hope,
Donna

Face Slapping Moments

Hello.

Have you ever stood side by side with someone working towards the same cause or event and then something subtle happens and you discover the person you thought was on the same page as you, for the same reasons, turns out to be completely different?

Those types of moments are the ones I call "Face Slapping Moments." I've had a few of them over the years.

When my six-year-old was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 12:00 AM on September 12, 1992 (think I remember?), the Asian doctor pulled me aside for what I thought would be a moment of delicate explanation of my son's tumor but as it turned out the very first words out of his mouth were, "La-dee, you had a beet-er chance of winnin the lottry than gettin this toomr."

Face Slapping Moment.

When my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) were soon to arrive at my home for a family outing to the Saratoga Race Track, I checked my e-mail one last time when my finger slipped on a computer key and a history report of the last month's internet use popped up on the screen and I noticed someone had been accessing porno sites...

Face Slapping Moment.

When I watched my beautiful eighteen-year-old daughter stand next to her prom date on our front lawn and looked over to the side and saw my nineteen-year-old son, watching, smiling and clapping while jumping up and down...

Another Face Slapping Moment.

I try very, very hard in my life to not be surprised by people, events, stuff. I have a whole array of defense mechanisms to keep me near enough and far enough from people, events and stuff so as not to feel pain or disappointment. I have a whole array of vocabulary and reasoning methods to ease the FSM. It's really sad.

This morning another FSM occurred. I live in a small and nice sub-division in Saratoga Springs. I am blessed beyond belief to have a home like I have and if it wasn't for my husband's past home ownings, I wouldn't be here; but that's another story. Anyways, there is a small 17 acre parcel across the street from the back of my home that a developer is purchasing and wants to put houses on. As you can imagine there are many questions and concerns about this. I mean, the right kind of home could boost my home's value-right? The wrong kind could do the opposite. (And as I am learning...it's all about defending the borders and the bottom line. Right?) The developer is planning a meeting with the sub-division the Thursday before the Labor Day weekend. Many of us (including me) will be away. I spoke with the developer and he eventually agreed to another meeting in September. I asked him for a date and he said he'd set one at the Thursday meeting. (which doesn't help me cuz I'm NOT going to be at the meeting but alas...) I told him to speak with this fella, who is taking up the lead in our quest for information, and give him the date. I then emailed the fella to ask him to let me know of the date. Well, FSM, turns out this gentleman doesn't want to be volunteered to get a date from the developer and he is pissed I asked him if he'd do it. What gives? I thought we were all on the same page...get info...ask questions...take the next step if need be. And before I say anything more...

You know, you never know.

Have hope?
Donna

Honey Do-DONE

Hello.

Earlier in the summer I told you about my "honey do" list. I had twenty items on the list and I hoped my husband and I could complete them by the end of the summer. drum roll.....

It gives me great pleasure to announce that the entire list is officially completed. The last "to do" item was crossed off yesterday when my daughter and I walked into the door after a day long visiting our last college.

I took great pleasure in crossing off number 14. I'm leaving the list up on my cabinet door for a few days so I can relish in the pleasure of looking at all the scribble lines over each chore.

Other completed tasks were: building a deck, expanding the driveway, growing grass (yes, we're still at it), cleaning carpets, putting up crown molding, visiting colleges and on and on. Wow, I can't believe how much we accomplished in ten weeks. (I'm sure my husband can.)

So what will I do now? I've already worked out my daughter's "complete college applications" schedule, SAT and ACT sign-up deadline and practice time for Violin auditions. I know she feels less stress when she has a concrete plan to follow. (She's like me.) I'm not planning anything for my husband because he's a school teacher and he's as good as gone from the beginning of the school year until the end. Teachers work as many hours outside of the classroom as they do inside. As for me, I'm hoping to go back to college to take English classes. I haven't heard yet.

Immediately though, my family is going to Cape Cod for one week for a bit of R and R before the Autumn season knocks on our busy door.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer and I'll write soon about our vacation antics.

Have hope,
Donna

College Visit Marathon

Hello!

I am writing this blog blurry-eyed and exhausted from a marathon travel day to visit colleges with my high school Senior!!

I know, I should not have put it off until the last two weeks of summer vacation, but such is the way of the world when one is facing something they'd rather not face. Besides being very busy with the "honey do" list (see previous blog), I have not wanted to make these college visits. Partly because I hate the travel, and partly because I cannot believe my little girl is getting ready to fly from the nest.

This child, of course, doesn't want to go to a nearby college-nearby meaning inside a two-hour drive. She wants to visit two colleges clear across NYS. So at 3:30 AM Monday morning the two of us get on the NYS thru-way and head to Lake Eric to visit a college in Fredonia NY and then to Rochester to visit another. Driving home sixteen hours later was enlightening as I got to see all the roadside attractions I couldn't see in the dark during the "wee" morning hour's drive.

Our visit was a great time for the two of us. I have to admit "road tripping" with my daughter (aside from the hours and distance) was so much fun. She is such a funny kid. When she wasn't sleeping-which was often-she was singing and chatting and burping and other obnoxious things I won't mention here. She has an incredible take on life.

When we started out talking about this trip and planning for it, I have to admit, I was very worried that she wasn't going to be able to hack college. She always seemed so dizzy and spacey that I thought she'd be chewed up and spit out by the college system and course demands within two weeks. Thinking that I didn't want to send her to a place five hours away only to have to turn around and pick her up after ten or so days, I discouraged these particular colleges. Alas, she got her way and we hit the road. After touring the schools and watching her look the places over and ask questions, I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. She began to look like a college student to me. She had that sparkle in her eye and I could feel the passion in her spirit as she found out more and more about the Music Education programs at these colleges. She seemed so different to me. On our way home, during one of her many naps, I thought to myself that she was indeed getting ready to move on and become who she is destined to be.

Wow-wee. Where did the time go?

So, now we prepare for our Senior year. I say "we" because she still is our dizzy daughter and still requires prodding and encouragement, but also I say "we" because it's our year of lasts. We get to share our last homecoming dance and prom, our last chamber concerts and our last many other things. It's our year of last hanging outs at the local coffee house late on a Sunday just to gab or the last year to peek into her room before going to sleep to say good night and share a moment.

Oh well. I know, last-lasts, lead to beginning beginnings and that is where I have to keep my focus. I'm proud of her and what she is and what I glimpse she is to become.

Hmmm,
Have Hope,
Donna

College or Bust

Hello!

Today I took my youngest daughter on her first college visit. We drove three hours to Hartt College of Music in Connecticut where we had a terrific lunch and a two hour walking tour of the campus. There were approximately twenty other people in our group-a mix of parents and prospective students. We walked from building to building in a "clump" each dad taking turns holding a door for the rest of us. By the end of the tour, names had been exchanged and polite "niceties" were exchanged. Then we drove home.

It makes for a long day.

Throughout the day I kept thinking about the little things-like-this is where my daughter will get her mail or this is where she will listen to her Ipod. It unnerved me a little bit.

You see, home is where she does all those little things we call "living." The silly conversations or the very messy bedroom, all occur here at our home, on our cul-de-sac. And for all the annoying moments we share-we share them here...at HOME. Soon, she'll be doing her absentminded moments somewhere else. Soon, she'll be having her PMS elsewhere. (okay, that one can go) Someone else will hear her funny giggle as she bats her eyelashes when she tries to coax someone to cut her a break.

I don't think I'm liking this whole college idea. I want to know where the time went and when did she grow up. I remember waiting at the end of the driveway for the three-foot high little girl with the huge red bow on top of her head to get off of the bus. Golly, the time flew.

Soon-too soon-I'll be looking out the window at the driveway waiting for my grown up daughter to pull in and then haul her laundry into the house. Phew. That is going to be strange.

Oh well....
Have hope,
Donna

Rainy Days and Mondays

Hello!

Well, today was one of those slow going mornings. It was Monday and that in and of itself, brings many negative connotations to me. Also, it was rainy. The rain was just pouring out of the sky. We needed the rain for sure but golly to see it falling non-stop made me just want to turn around and crawl back in bed.

As it turned out, the day went pretty well. My youngest daughter is taking courses at a local community college while doing her Senior year in high school. We had to go and pay the bill for her courses. It was fun hanging around with her. Since I was in the tuition paying mood, I drove down the road forty minutes to my oldest daughter's college and paid her college tuition too. She's a junior this year...my how time flies. While I was there, I checked out the course schedule and talked with an English professor. I may take a few courses myself this semester.

I got to spend time with my littlest guy this afternoon. He went with me to pay the college tuition for my oldest daughter. He loves going to her college. He loves walking up and down the stairs and seeing if he can balance on the stone walls by the flower beds. He especially likes to visit the bookstore where he always walks away with a treat-sometimes candy, sometimes T-shirts. What a life.

When I got home, my husband was racking his brain over the crown molding he's putting up in our formal rooms. Crown molding is tough and he was at it all day. So I went out to the garage and together we got one corner to fit. Now only eight more to go.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. No rain is in the forecast. Our schedule includes visiting a college in Connecticut for my youngest daughter. It will be nice spending the day with her. If for no other reason than...it's not a rainy day or Monday.

Have hope,
Donna

Don't Know Why

Hello.

I have a friend. Her name is Laura. Laura is from Minnesota. She is a very kind person. I met her through my youngest son. He needed physical therapy sessions and Laura was assigned to be his therapist. Laura has a funny mid-western accent that is lovely to listen to. Soon after I met Laura I knew she was sent as someone special in my life.

This week has been a trying one for Laura. She has friends and family in Minnesota, very near to where the bridge fell into the Mississippi River. Her daughter, Sara, is scheduled to go to college at the end of the month-the University of Minnesota-located right on the shore from where the bridge went down.

Luckily for Laura, all of her friends and family have been accounted for. Having said that, she is painfully somber as she thinks about her former fellow neighbors who may not have had such a happy ending.

As I have written many times, we are all one. No matter where we call home, when tragedy strikes we all have the same cares and feelings. Sometimes, I think, we don't take tragedy to heart when it doesn't strike in our own backyard or to our own "people." It's almost a mind-set that it isn't real or doesn't exist when it is miles away...but that's not true.

Thanks to Laura, she helped me connect with feelings of compassion and sadness as well as gratefulness to the human spirit during this recent tragedy.

I hope I never get so insulated in my life that I don't remember to connect with other human beings in their times of tragedy as well as triumph. I hope you don't either.

Have hope,
Donna

My Top Ten List

Hello!

Do you make lists? I do all the time. I have the "honey do" list, the grocery list, the what to do today list, the restaurants I'd like to go to list and so on and so forth. I like making the lists but I LOVE crossing items off of them.

Lately I've been thinking of people I'd love to meet. It would be so cool to get a little time with each of them.

Here's my top ten list. (not in any particular order)

1. Hillary Clinton
2. Bill Clinton
3. Paul McCartney
4. Billy Joel
5. James Taylor
6. Richard Gere
7. John Travolta
8. Rosie O'Donnell
9. Tony Blair
10. Albert Einstein

Okay, I know I'll never get to meet Albert but a girl can wish, can't she?

Each of these people have something that I admire or something I'd like to ask them. Mostly, I'd like to say thank you to them. There is something that each of them have given to the universe that I have benefited from personally and would like to express my gratitude to them.

Oh well, maybe someday I'll get my chance....until then...

Have Hope,
Donna

Hard Work

Hello.

This summer, my husband and I made a "honey do" list. We made it together and we work off each numbered item on the list. There are a total of 17 items that we would like to accomplish before school begins in September. We have 6 left. Not bad considering we are about mid-way through the summer.

Some of the things we've been doing are building a small deck off of our back doorway, removing a brick wall and re-landscaping the area, and steaming all our carpets. Currently we are working on putting a driveway extension on our existing driveway. We have four drivers at our home and each of us has a car. I'm getting tired of bumping one of them when I back out of the garage.

Our plan is simple (HA). We dig an outline of the extension, scoop out the remaining dirt, lay down a border and then fill it in with stone. Ah, if only it was that simple.

I never realized how stuck in the ground grass and weeds were. Those little guys were very hard to dig up. Hauling dirt was back breaking. I was the "digger" and my husband was the "cart it away guy" with the wheelbarrows. It was hot and sunny this week in Upstate NY too. I don't think I've ever sweat as much as I have in the last two days.

Thankfully, the tough part is over (I hope). Tomorrow we lay down the border and then Monday we call for the stone delivery.

I think it will look nice when we're done. I hope it will also keep the car jams down to a minimum.

As I think about this project, I reflect on the satisfying feeling one gets after they've done something that is physically really hard. My muscles are tired. Holding my arms to blow-dry my hair after my shower, was exhausting. While sitting on my couch and reading, a few minutes ago, my arms and legs felt like cement sinking into the furniture. Funnily, it felt good. I'm not looking forward to feeling my arms and legs tomorrow but for right now, I feel like I did a hard day's work.

And I did.

Hope you get to complete a long awaited project soon too.

Have hope,
Donna

Pitter Potter

Hello!

I feel as though I have just awoken in my "real" world where the rain pitter potters, I mean patters, outside my window.

I have spent the last two days immersed in the world of "Potter." Except for the fact that I'd like to know what happen to Luna after nineteen years, I truly enjoyed the last and final installment of the Potter series. Thank you Ms. Rowling.

In August of 2000, my family and I got turned onto Harry and his magical mates while traveling abroad. Our family took a trip to England, France and Switzerland. In England, on the tube, we listened to the locals talk about Harry Potter and the release of J.K. Rowling's new book. Their conversations were so entertaining (and not only because of their very cool accent). We got so excited listening about witches and magic that we decided we had to get a copy and read for ourselves.

Thus began our nightly ritual.

Each evening prior to going to sleep, I was elected to read aloud a chapter of Sorcerer's Stone and then Chamber and lastly Azkaban. (Some evenings I read more than one chapter.) Reading these books aloud is quite a challenge as the made-up names of ghosts, and spells, and people, and places, made one's tongue get twisted. But the story was terrific and the enchantment of reading together as a family warmed my heart, so the word-bumbling was easily forgiven. One afternoon, we hiked up a hill (more like mountain) in Switzerland to sit and read out on the grassy hillside. The weather was pleasant and the sound of my voice echoed softly.

We were hooked by the time we arrived home, and the first thing we did when we got here, was to go to the bookstore and purchase Goblet. Thus began our nightly ritual in the States.

Then the movies came out and we incorporated a new tradition of seeing the movies as a family. We have never been disappointed with the story.

For weeks now, the discussion in my home has centered on who we thought would die and who we thought would betray and so on and so forth. I won't tell you what we believed would happen and how well we predicted, just in case you haven't finished your copy yet, but suffice it to say, our discussions were lively, and our arguments "for" or "against" were supported with magical and muggle fact.

Alas, we now know the ending. We breathe a sigh of resignation that Harry and mates will forever be as Ms. Rowling left them suspended in our hearts and minds. And today, I wander around this land of muggles in post-bookem' depression, flitting my thoughts back and forth between the magic and the mundane.

It was a good story. I will always be grateful to Ms. Rowling, for not only her magical story but for the "spell" her story cast upon us as a family.

Now, back to page one.....

Have hope,
Donna

Another Good Read

Hello!

I read almost constantly. There are times when it isn't practical to read-like when I'm driving-but more often than not, I've got a book in my hands and I'm reading.

My latest read was Buddha by Deepak Chopra. I often read Mr. Chopra's books. I tend to read fiction and non-fiction in cycles. This book is fiction but has strong spiritual and non-fiction tendencies. Because of the content, I also took out the CD set from the library and am listening to it (I can do that while driving) to be sure I pick up the whole story.

I have been drawn to Buddhism for many years. This book helps someone from Western philosophy better understand Buddhism. I liked this book and am finding the CD's even more enjoyable.

I especially have been meditating on the idea that "everything is an illusion." For a number of years, I have observed people like my family, friends and others in society in the spirit of "Is what I'm seeing really what I'm seeing?" Does that make sense to you? For example, there are often news stories about celebrities who appear very happy and perfectly suited to each other getting divorced, or perhaps a local lawyer or doctor who lives very high off the hog filing for bankruptcy. Stories like this make me stop and wonder if what I think I know, based on what I see, is actually what I DO know, and if I'm really seeing what I'm seeing.

The movie Eyes Wide Shut portrays this kind of theme.

The other point I meditate on since reading the book is about the power of thoughts. In the book Buddha encounters Mara (the devil) and is presented with numerous horrifying and enticing images. Buddha declares the images Mara is showing him to be illusions, and then he thinks creatively to change his circumstances. He changes the outcome of situations in his life by thinking better thoughts. He sees his life from a bigger perspective, one that teaches him that he able to effect a more beneficial outcome. He in fact, "creates his own reality." This enlightenment is what Buddha eventually preaches to the world and lives in his daily life.

I am intrigued. My goal for the remainder of the summer is to try to train myself, to remove myself, from the drama of my day, and look at my life events as illusions and then train my thoughts to make more positive and creative responses. It may be a big goal, but, I figure if I take it day by day, I may be able to get a glimpse of what Buddha preaches to his followers. And if I get a little of his wisdom, perhaps I'll be able to make it a permanent thought pattern, and make my life, and this world, a better place.

Have hope,
Donna

Playin' Checkers

Hello.

Well, it's been a few days since I last posted. I would have written sooner except that my little guy has just learned how to play checkers and well...I appear to be a worthy opponent. Right now my husband is playing the "champ" so I have a few minutes to myself.

When the champ declared that he wanted to play checkers I was full of misgivings. The game is a little hard to explain and I wasn't sure I had the vocabulary or the patience to teach him. THAT was before I ever sat down with him to play. Apparently, Jason at school taught him how to play. I thought in my head, "Phew, I don't have to teach him, I just have to make sure he wins a few times." HA! Apparently again, Jason taught him well.

In the last few days of playing checkers I won a whopping ONE time. I honestly tried to beat him. He had amazing strategies and when he won he was so cute. He didn't diss me, he jumped for joy that he won!! It was great to watch.

Well, I just heard the giggles again. I guess he just beat daddy.

I gotta go...it's my turn.

Have hope (maybe I'll win!)
Donna

Wonderful Summer Read

Hello.

Today, I regretfully finished reading North River, by Pete Hamill. Last week, I hesitantly picked up a copy of this book at our local library. The characters and the time period (doctor, depression era) intrigued me so I thought I'd give it a try. I was not disappointed.

Pete Hamill intricately wove a historical theme, with suspense and sorrow, into a subtly romantic love story between an Irish doctor, his abandoned Mexican grandson and a Sicilian immigrant. The book is filled with descriptions of life in NYC that are so authentic that your mouth waters as the author describes the braciole and pasta dishes and your heart beats faster as you follow the doctor into a meeting with a notorious mob boss. You inhabit the characters (everyone of them) and act out their lives in your minds-eye. The ending is as it should be-an extension of personal and societal evolution.

The book haunts you. You will carry the characters and their dilemmas with you throughout your waking day and dream about them during your sleep.

Thank you Mr. Hamill for your sensitive and brilliant use of characterization, plot and setting. You have enriched my summer reading experience.

Have hope,
Donna

PS. I am aware that the title of this novel should be underlined and I apologize for not doing so. My computer finesse is poor and I was unable to figure out how to do so.

It's Been Too Long

Hello!

It's been a rather long time since I have written. I didn't intentionally forget. I've been very busy here at home trying to get outside projects done while I have the manpower around-husband and son. They have the strength I wish I had.

Anyways, it wasn't always work and no play. A few days ago, on the 4th I believe, it was raining here, so my family went to the movies. My eldest son saw Transformers and was duly enamoured with the graphics. My husband, little guy and I went to see Ratatouille.

After sitting through Shrek a few weeks ago, Ratatouille was such a wonderful relief. The movie was humorous (my little guy was laughing from the belly), beautifully animated, and of course, the message was outstanding. The only part of the movie I disliked was the scene where the rats take over the restaurant. They were the chefs because the regular staff quit. I guess seeing a roomful of rats preparing food was more than my stomach could handle.

All and all I would recommend the movie.

Another wonderful, heartwarming moment we experienced prior to the movie beginning, was a short flick produced by non-profit (of which I cannot remember the name) that showed a scene of children gathering for their yearly box-car race. The narrator is one of the participants. He speaks about how excited he is to have his chance to win this year. Panning out to the sideline is a boy being pushed in a wheelchair to the curb to watch the race. The narrator sees the boy, leaves his car, walks over to the boy, lifts him out of the wheelchair and places him in his box-car. The race begins and you watch the disabled boy fly down the hill. The narrator says something very profound indicating how he really did win the race that day.

Both my husband and I looked at each other and had a moment of gratitude. How I wish we as the American public (and yes, international public too) could see quick flicks like these, that reveal the human spirit and inspire all of us to be better people.

I'd love to be member of an organization that was a ground breaker in this area. Imagine how we could change the world by simply "showing" children how to care and be kind and see how similar we all are.....

Have hope.
Donna

PS If anyone out there knows how to put this idea into action, let me know.

Madder than Hell

I just read the CNN news site that I have as my home page. The first thing I saw was a picture of Lewis "Scooter" Libby and the caption announcing his sentence had been commuted by the president. (I don't use a capital because I don't respect the position or the person.)

I was dumbfounded.

First, I believe that Mr. Libby may have had some hand in the leak involving Valerie Wilson but I don't believe he was a major player. I believe he was taking the fall for someone more important and more influential in our government. I believe he was assured that if he played the game well, he would win the prize in the end. And so it happened....

Second, I also believe that Libby has the goods on a number of prominent Washington insiders and that all of them have been sweating bullets for the past weeks and months as they watched things unfold. All of them have been tight-lipped, waiting to see what was going to go down. If Libby's sentence was not commuted EVERYONE was going to start talking. Now every one can sit pretty...for a little while.

What I don't understand is, that in this day and age with video tape and email and manuscripts available at a moments notice, no one-not one person with authority-has taken it upon him or herself to put the pieces together and officially investigate, charge and bring to trial the parties-ALL THE PARTIES-that have ridiculed our sacred Constitution.

I am disgusted with the whole cast of players. I am sickened at the public officials who blatantly laugh at the American people by lying, cheating and disrespecting their sensibilities. I am mad as hell that the press has not demanded accountability for words and actions by our government officials. I am furious that there is not one elected official who has the guts to make a stand and speak up loudly and constantly until justice is served. Lastly, I am saddened that the basic tenets of our country " one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all" have been degraded and ignored.

Shame on us.

Donna

We Can Do Better

Hello.

This morning my husband and I were talking about the state of affairs in this world. He mentioned to me that Khadafi had suggested the formation of a united African governing organization, similar to that of the European Union. He told me about this because it couldn't have been more than a week ago, I mentioned the same thing to him when I was stressing over the suffering of the African people. I asked him, why can't they all get together and use their vast resources to build each other up instead of tearing each other apart? Imagine the health and healing and prosperity that would exist on that continent.

Then we began "imagining" the possibilities.

I decided that we, as a human race, should insist upon developing a world governing body (get ready all you evangelicals-what you have been preaching against all these decades may actually happen). Every nation on this earth will elect an official to represent their country in a multi-national governing board. Topics like global warming and poverty, famine and much, much more can be discussed and legislation made to bring about change. The legislation would be brought back to the respective governing bodies for approval. In much the same manner that legislation is made into law here in the US, majority rule would make the legislation law and the world community would work together towards implementing it.

The United Nations would then become the judicial branch of government for the world with its chief function being conflict resolution. Imagine opposing sides of matters making their cases to a multi-national judicial system and having a resolution determined that the world community would be responsible for enforcing.

Think of all the blood that would not be spilled. Think of all the conversations and discussions that would have to occur to ensure understanding of differing points of views.

Imagine a world where people have the frame of mind that they will use their intellect, resources and will power to come to a common resolution instead of drawing lines in the sand to defend their territory. We will think-not it terms of me, my and mine- but in terms of us, we and ours. I imagine this would take time and training because we have built huge ruts in our brains to think selfishly but I believe we can make it happen.

We begin with the children; all the children- Iraqi children sitting down to sup with American children, Jewish children playing with Arab children, Indian children learning with Pakistani children. As the children grow they reminisce about common experiences, caring unfolds, and then communication, and learning to understand each other, and eventually unity, and respect, and ultimately love. Wow-wee, what a place this earth would be....

I'd like to live in a place like that.
Have hope,
Donna

Getting Down to Doing What You Love

Hello.

Okay, I've been struggling with knowing what I should be doing and making excuses for not doing it. Can you understand that statement?

I love to write stories. I am constantly thinking of stories, characters, ideas, lessons, settings etc. I especially think in picture books for children.

I believe that we can change the world through children. I believe that children are the closest beings to God. They see the world in an unprejudiced manner when they are very young. They explore and discover. They don't place a value or judgement on what they experiment with, they just "be" in whatever they're doing.

I try hard to capture the pureness or innocence of children when I put an idea for a book together.

Lately, I've been tied up with taking care of patients. I truly do care for the well-being of people placed in my care, but it can get overwhelming with MD calls and insurance woes. What began as only four hours a day had turned into six or more and frequently six or seven days a week. As a result, my writing became non-existent and I became more unsettled inside.

Now that school is out for the summer, my husband (who is a teacher) has been home. I've been using him to help with the daily grind-chores, errands, meal prep-and I've been getting back to where my heart is....writing.

It feels good. It feels like I'm scratching the proverbial itch. I am feeling like I have a purpose outside of my responsibilities. That is good.

I'm hoping that someone out there-editor or publisher-finds my work worthy of publishing. I'm hoping that my projects bring lightheartedness and quiet lessons to the readers. I'm hoping that I can do more writing and less PT. Time will let me know.

For right now, I'm grateful for my book that will be published soon. I'm hopeful for future books. I'm enjoying getting back to writing and fulfilling my dreams and I'm looking forward to hearing the stories that speak to me in my head every day. I can't wait to get them down on paper.

I'll keep you posted.
Have hope,
Donna

Love Sunny Summer Mornings

Hello!!

This is my favorite time of the year. I love waking up to sunshine. I'm an early riser and seeing the sun at 5:00 AM gives my day an awesome start.

Today promises to be hot, very hot. I love the heat. I believe it comes from my Mediterranean roots.

Since it is summer vacation and since I did extra patients yesterday I plan to spend the day with two of my children (the other two are working) and do fun things as well as a few chores.

I have a long list of things I want to do and have to do. Thank goodness that the sun will be shining until eight or nine o'clock tonight.

I am totally a sunshine person. The light affects my mood like nothing else. Whenever I hear people complain about the sun and heat I remind myself of the dark days of January and February. Those two months are dark and gloomy and cold.

I am thrilled to have a chance to spend this day in the sun and heat and with my kids. Today is a good day. I am glad to experience it.

How about you-what makes your day?

Have hope,
Donna

First Tooth

Hello!

In reference to yesterday's blog, today was one of those days of endings and beginnings. This morning my husband and I coached our son's last soccer game. It was a great, cool morning and everyone was excited to play. After the game, we had ice cream and gave out "awards."

Tonight while eating dinner, corn on the cob to be exact, our littlest guy lost his first tooth. We had been anticipating it for a day or two. When I went to the grocery store this afternoon I picked up the corn thinking it might help the process along. He was so cute. He didn't even know his tooth was gone. He said, "Look, there's blood on my corn." I quickly looked more closely and there was his tiny tooth. He looked at it and didn't really realize what happened until after we rinsed out his mouth and so he could look more closely. That's when we discovered he had another loose tooth. So.........we await the next exciting event.

This is a big deal for kids. All school year he looked in the mirror when he brushed his teeth hoping to see one of them wiggle. After this tooth came out both of my older children, who were present, told stories about when they lost their first tooth. Isn't it funny how something as little as losing a tooth evokes so many fond memories?

We had a fun time talking about teeth and losing them and then memories surrounding teeth and growing up. We called both grandmas and told them the news. They were both very excited.

Now we await the visit from the tooth fairy. Our little guy is a little scared so he's hunkered down under his sheet. We told him that there is nothing to be afraid of because the tooth fairy loves him very much, but he still preferred to stay under the sheet. Oh well.....

Until next time...have hope.
Donna

Ends and Beginnings or Vice Versa

Hello.

It's Friday. It's the last day of the week. It's the last day of the school year. This day always fills me with jumbled feelings inside. The day or perhaps more accurately, this time of the year, feels like an ending as well as a beginning to me.

When I think of it being the end of things, I experience feelings about whether I accomplished all that I had hoped to by this point in the year. I feel anxious that I didn't work with the diligence or determination in all the areas I'd hoped to. I then feel sad that I let myself down. In relation to my children and their endings, I examine whether I was present enough in their lives to help them achieve their goals. The whole "ending thing" becomes a mind game. Then I feel depressed.

When I think of it being new beginnings, I experience feelings of hope and gratitude. I look at the future days as new chances to affect a change both in my self and my goals and others. I look at my children and strategize how I can be supportive and encouraging to them as they face their future. I also feel grateful about what has been done in my life on the positive realm. I work hard to tease apart the specifics of my life and consciously acknowledge my gratitude for them.

How can one day or one time of the year bring about such intense feelings that run the entire gamut between depression and hope? I grapple with ideas such as these often.

What I am learning is that:

I am a human being and being such portends me to the very real emotions of the earth-the whole from dust to dust thing. The sadness or anxiousness or depression feelings are about as down in the dirt as one can feel.

I am a spiritual being and being such portends me to the inspirational emotions of the heavens-the whole God in me and me in God thing. The hopefulness or loving or gratefulness feelings lift me up to a whole new energetic level.

I am in constant change. This morning when I talked with my neighbor Sharon, she asked me how I was feeling about my son's graduation ceremony last night and said to her, "Well, everyone here keeps moving. I can't just stand here. I gotta keep moving too." I didn't say it to be profound but after I said it I realized it was a profound statement. Our lives are in a constant flux. If we don't move along we die. If we move forward we grow and learn. If we try to stop or move backwards we have pain and disappointment.

I am allowed "do overs". Every morning is my opportunity to begin afresh. It is like getting a gift of energy from God each day.

I am allowed mistakes. Every night, I allow myself to acknowledge where I could have done things better. It is like getting a gift of insight from God each day.

I am allowed forgiving. Every day, forgiving myself, helps me to accept "mistakes" and begin my "do overs."

So, where does all this thinking and learning bring me? Do I need an insane asylum? Do I need a good stiff drink? Do I need a long vacation? Does anyone else out there feel this way? Does anyone else come to similar conclusions as I?

I hope so.

Until tomorrow and new beginnings...have hope.
Donna

Transitions

Hello.

I'm sorry I haven't written for a few days. I planned to write but couldn't put the words on the blog at night. (when I usually blog) It's been a time of transition for me and my family.

"Transitions" is a complicated word.

I think I first truly understood it's meaning when I was nine centimeters dialated and in great pain prior to the birth of my son. The trevail was intense as was the peace after he was delivered.

I learned more about transitions when I heard the words, "Your son has a massive growth in the back of his head," six years later. The realization of those words was intense as was the peace that soothed my soul right after.

Now, we experience this transition.

The fear for his well being is great inside of me. He is leaving the warm, fuzzy coccoon of caring professionals who patiently taught him (and me) and guided him (and me) through every new learning he achieved. But also is the blessed peace that bathes my heart and mind when I remind myself of how far he has come and how faithful life has been to him.

As I sat at his ceremony tonight, I had so many conflicting thoughts and desires. How I wished he was graduating from a "normal" highschool or college. How I wished he was facing a fantastic job or graduate school. How I wished he was standing tall and smart amongst his peers.

Then my heart filled with joy at the sight of him standing there with the thirteen other graduates. He was the shortest person in line but his smile was as big as the others. His diploma was introduced by his teacher, with amazing words-listing his accomplishments and declarations of contributions he has made to his classmates over the years. He has worked hard. He has done a good job.

Now he will face day-hab and part-time work. He has trained in a number of areas. He has choices ahead of him for the kind of work he'd like to dedicate himself to. He has learned important communication and life skills and now he is ready to use them. He has the assurance that he will be successful because he has experienced success many, many times.

I face "resting in the peace" that guided us to this point in life. I face "resting in the peace" that the next group of caring professionals with teach and guide us through new and interesting adventures. I face "resting in the peace" that lessons to be learned will be exactly what both of us need to learn.

Finally, I "rest in the peace" that this transition will be okay.

Have hope,
Donna

Taking a Walk

Hello.

Tonight my youngest son and I went for a walk. We've been doing it for a few days in a row. It isn't a long walk; about one mile. Walking with him is like stepping into another little world-a private world where everything exciting happens about four feet from the sidewalk.

Tonight, he found the "helicopters" that fall from the maple trees this time of the year. He found his first one and exclaimed, "Look mom, a flying thing." When I told him it was a maple tree seed also known as a helicopter he remembered exactly what we did with them last year when he discovered them. The two of us must have spent about 20 minutes in front a yellow house throwing the helicopters in the air and watching them float back down to earth. He got real good at throwing them and then started trying to catch them mid-flight.

When we tired of that, we walked the rest of the way home...well we tried to walk the rest of the way home. I wear a pedometer when I walk and my little guy finds it fascinating so he was obsessed with stopping every three or four steps to check it out. He was charming.

These little excursions of exploration into the life of a five-year-old helps make the rest of my day make sense. The fatigue I feel after running around all day, doing what is expected of me, disappears when I get my one mile reprieve with him.

Tomorrow is another day. The weatherman says it's gonna be just as nice. I'm looking forward to see what my little red-head has instore for me on our next adventure.

Until then...
Have hope,
Donna

My Dad

Hello.

Today was Father's Day. My day began on the soccer field at 9:15 AM. The early game got everyone on and off the field in good time to enjoy the sunny, cool day.

After our game, we drove to a diner half-way between our home and my mom and dad's home. We like to meet for breakfast about once a month. It was great to see my dad on Father's Day.

My dad is 76 years old. He is a retired school teacher and then a retired historian and now he does a lot of volunteering in my home town. He takes art classes and exercises every day. If you met him, you would not believe he is 76. He reads whenever he gets the chance, which is every day. It is so great to have him.

My dad was a teacher in the same high school where I attended. People often asked me what it was like having my dad teach in the same place as where I went to school. Every time they'd asked me, I didn't really have an answer. I grew up admiring my dad as a teacher knowing that someday he'd be teaching in the same school as I. (We only had one high school in my small town.) It was a matter of fact that our paths would cross eventually.

My dad still lives in the same house I grew up in. He still walks to the post office and bank and dentist. He has watched his students grow up and have families. There isn't one place that he frequents where he doesn't bump into a past student. (I'm talking generations of students.) I live 100 miles from him and even I bump into his past students. It's amazing.

My dad likes to spend time with his daughters (and grandchildren). You know, teaching wasn't the best paying profession in my small town. I remember my dad teaching school for twenty years and celebrating his finally making twenty thousand dollars. (I think that is a sad commentary about our society as a whole but I'm not going to get into that right now.) The point I want to make is that my dad taught at the same school that all of his daughters attended. (There is no monetary value one can place on that benefit.) He saw us everyday during our high school years. He respected our age and interests and let us become our own person. He watched with an eye of pride and wisdom, taking joy in our triumphs, and giving thoughtful words during our trials. When teenage events seemed so big and important to us at the time, he had the overview to know it was 'just a moment' in our lives, and he directed us with timely advice to keep us feeling valued and cared for but also independent and smart. I appreciate that.

My dad teaches lessons without saying words too. He has his daily schedule and routine, which encompasses morning exercise to take care of his body, scripture reading to care of his spirit and daily volunteering to care of his soul. I can wake up any day of the week and know what he will be doing on that day or at a certain time of that day. He lives season to season, mowing the lawn, raking the leaves, or shoveling the snow. He takes out the trash every week, reads at church every few weeks, and sends his granddaughter's gas money after receiving his pension check every month. He doesn't have to say a word and we all know the things he values most in his life and how important it is to attain to your highest ideals. I admire that.

As I grow older and experience the life of a parent, I draw comfort in the memories of how my dad lived his life. I also take care and make a mental note of how he lives during these golden years.

He is my example.
He is my role model.
He is my dad.

Have hope,
Donna

Not Much to Say

Hello.

It isn't often that I don't have an opinion or a thought that I'd like to share. My brain is always contemplating something in the universe. Today though, my brain had a quiet day. I think that the busy-ness of yesterday in NYC jammed my nerve endings and they are trying to re-route their pathways.

Today I spent a lot of time with my two sons. We did errands together and spent time shopping at the mall. It was fun spending time with my boys. They are totally different than girls. (I know, I'm going to be considered sexist.) Both of my boys, when shopping for clothes, had to be "redirected" to help pick out useful clothing. They were more interested in baseball caps than the shorts we needed to buy. When I had to get special soap for our bathrooms, they took off to FYE to check out the lastest movie releases. When I needed to get a Father's Day gift (for my dad), I was dragged off to the video game store to see if the latest Nintendo game was in stock. The only place they willingly followed me into was Gertrude Hawks-to get a chocolate treat.

Still I enjoyed the afternoon with them. The banter revolved more around electronic stuff and cars than fashion and friends. There was no leisure walk, stopping to look in store windows and chat. When I saw a friend, I said a quick hello and good-bye because idle talk wasn't programmed into the "XY" computer.

Even so, I had fun. When we got into the house, there was no fashion show to show off our purchases. There was no line-by-line account of "she said this" or "she said that". There wasn't even so much as a discussion of what the next shopping trip should entail. I just turned off the car; heard three doors slam and walked into the house to "Hi Donna, what's for dinner?"

That's okay. It was great just to hang out with my boys.

Have hope,
Donna

Jeopardy!!

Hello!

It's very late. It's Friday night and my husband, my son and I recently returned from our very long day in NYC for my husband's part two of his Jeopardy qualifying test. I'm so glad to say that he did very well and was selected to be on the contestant list. At this point, as we understand things, the taping of the show begins in July and contestants are notified 2-3 weeks prior to their scheduled date. So.....we wait to hear.

I gotta go, I'm beat.
Have hope,
Donna

Crystal Balls

Hello.

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling kind of blue? Not hugely depressed, you can see the good things in your life. Just a little blue. That's how I felt this morning. My heart wish for today was that I could get a glimpse into the crystal ball of my life. I was feeling worn and worried and just wanted to know that if in the end, everything worked out okay. It was my hope that knowing what the end was, I'd be able to handle the journey getting there.

Anyways, today was a friend of mine's 67th wedding anniversary. She and her husband are in their early nineties and they still call each other "honey" and look forward to spending their days together. I bought two cupcakes at the bakery and brought them over to celebrate.

When I got into their apartment, I asked them what they were doing 67 years ago at that moment. Both of them smiled and he said, I was at the airport waiting to see if she was going to make it to the wedding on time. I didn't expect an answer like that. She confirmed it. She was flying in from Nashville, Tennessee on her wedding day because the day before there was a storm and her flight was canceled.

Then I heard the story. My lady friend shared with me that she got married in a quiet manner. Not because of anything lurid but because she had little to no family. She explained to me that her mother and father died when she was a teenager...her mom from cancer and her dad from a heart attack the following year. She worked as a mother's helper while finishing high school. The local high school gave her $75.00 (a huge amount back then) so that she could buy a dress for graduation. After that she worked and went to college. She became a nurse and then went back to school to be a teacher because she wanted to do both. She said she had an aunt she would live with when things got tough but she pretty much raised herself. (She had no siblings.)

Then she said it....."You know, whenever I needed anything I always had it. There were times I needed money to live and something happened. Someone would give it to me or something worked in my favor! Can you imagine that? Someone was looking out for me. I was always okay."

So much for needing to look into my own crystal ball. My little old lady friend gave me such a gift this morning. She didn't even realize how soothing her words were to me. I got teary for a second but didn't want her to know. This was her day, not a day for me to whine and cry...especially since I have so many good things in my life.

I'd like to say that the "blues" went away after that...they didn't, but I pondered her words all day long. Her memories and wisdom has soothed me more than looking into a crystal ball would have. Looking into the crystal ball would have shown me the end picture but hearing her words, imparted to me courage and hope so I can find my way...whatever the end picture may be.

Have hope,
Donna

Only Two More Days

Hello,

It's Wednesday night. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I am cramming six patients into my days schedule which means I won't breathe until after three o'clock because of all the driving and computer-ing. It will be worth it because on Friday, bright and early, my husband, youngest son and I will head down to NYC so that my husband can participate in the second part of qualifying for the TV game show Jeopardy.

Last February he took the online test that was advertised at the end of a Jeopardy episode. It has always been a dream for him to play Jeopardy so he jumped at the chance to take the test. The test was 50 questions in 8 minutes. Once he was done...that was it. He didn't hear anything about it after he hit send.

Last month, in the middle of May, he received an email stating he made a certain score and qualified for the second part of the testing/interviewing process. His scheduled time is Friday at 1:00 PM. Thank goodness we live in NYS; getting to NYC is not a big deal.

So, he has to take a second test at 1:00. If he gets the magic score, he goes into an interview and then mock game. After that....we don't know.

This is all very exciting for him. He's been brushing up on trivia topics. He is excited and at this moment, just wants to get it over with.

So, if you don't have anything else to think about on Friday the 15th, send my husband a few positive thoughts and good-luck wishes. I'll be down there crossing my fingers for him.

I'll let you know the outcome, whatever it is.
Have hope,
Donna

Our Steady Rain

Hello.

It's raining this evening. The sky is bright but very fine rain drops are steadily falling out of the sky. Today was very hot so this rain is very refreshing. It is a quiet time in my house tonight. One child is listening to a book on tape. One is studying for a Math final. One is playing Webkins on the computer and one is working. My husband is doing the endless end of the year work for school. I'm looking up publishers to submit a couple of picture books to. Tonight we had to cancel soccer practice because of the rain.

It is a good night. A peaceful one. I like evenings that this. When I stop writing, I'm going to work out on my eliptical exerciser and then settle down with a good book.

I hope you have a peaceful evening too.
Have hope,
Donna

What time is it?

Hello!

Phew, I have to take a breath. It's nighttime and I feel like I haven't had a moment to figure out what day of the week it is. Today, I had a higher number of patients to visit than I usually do. At three o'clock I got home to eat lunch when my daughter walked through the door after her day at school. I was amazed that she and I left and arrived home at the same time today. Where did the time go? Soon after she arrived, the rest of the clan came home, only to head out again to an end of the school year performance by our littlest guy. As usual, he sang in the car all the way to the school and once he got on stage he just stood there. It was great!!!

Now we're all home. Two of my kids got their year books today. As I write this, I hear their chatter about friends, and teachers, and life, going on down in the living room. They are so funny. I remember chatting with my friends about our year book too. Was it really twenty-eight years ago?

It amazes me that the clock keeps ticking and the days, the months and the years just fly by. I do not feel like I thought a 46 year-old would feel like. My mom and dad are in their 70's and they say the same thing. I wish I could state an age I feel like, on the inside. My body feels young-in spite of the graying hair and laugh lines. My mind feels alert and active-except for the few times I forget my kid's names. And my energy level is right there where it was when I was in college-honest!!

Does anyone else feel like this?

I meet tons of people in my work. I joke that the average age of the patients I see is 84 years young. Most of these people are terrific. They may be old in their physical bodies but they are spunky and smart and full of funny stories and kindness. I wonder what they would say their inside age is? I think I may ask them tomorrow.

Until next time, enjoy the remainder of your day and have hope.
Donna